Frozen Warnings

I do believe there is a law in some southern states that says once a white male passes the age of 50 is required to apply no less than 8oz per day of a men's perfume with a cost of less than 3 US dollars per bottle. Also, if I'm not mistaken there is an a-joining Claus that says that he must spend no less than 4 of his 8 working hours at the working station of all female co-workers under the age of 30.