a little better now

[funeralcrasher]

My clothes have finally been put away, and my desk somewhat cleared off.  I can see part of my hardwood floor now too.

It's been a somber day for me, especially this evening.    I've been worrying about growing old and who will take care of me?  I don't have kids and don't have a family to speak of.  If I only liked men I could have my choice probably. Maybe I'd get lucky and meet a true gentlemen who wouldn't mind dealing with my shit as we grew old together on a farm in the country. But there's that whole sex issue.

I have a meeting with one of the pastors at the church tomorrow and I'm feeling more anxious about it than I probably should.  After that, Wednesday supper -  then I'll tarry off to support group.. then home, depressed, most likely.

Comments

[justaredneck.livejournal.com]

Hey U, im sorry ur in a somber mood, but im glad ur comming to group tomorrow it should be a good one, im planning on cowboying up and laying down the law with Korrey and her girlfriend, who are driving everyone crazy. Since im the man of the group im going to tell them how it is, so u are in for some fireworks, lol. Big hugs

[terracinque.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm sorry I've been missing that! My Wednesdays have been too crazy lately to attend group, and I'm going to have to miss it again tonight, too. But I'll be there next week for sure.

[trans-mag.livejournal.com]

You said:

"I've been worrying about growing old and who will take care of me? I don't have kids and don't have a family to speak of."

Describes me to a tee. Except that I'm *already* old and I'm just starting to transition and I'll spend almost every cent I have saved, up to now, on my transition and re-establishment in the world.

And I, too, want exactly what you described:

"Maybe I'd get lucky and meet a true gentlemen who wouldn't mind dealing with my shit as we grew old together on a farm in the country."

The difference -- apart from the fact that I *like* men ;-) -- is that I *know* what I want, and need. And keeping my eye on that goal is what keeps me from straying, too often or too far, from my chosen path.

What you are doing in your life now is not working for you and you realize, I think, that it's not a viable long-term solution, in any case. Problem is, you don't know where to go from here.

You are mentally *trying on* new ideas, like being with a man, who can look after you, and adopting a quiet, peaceful lifestyle in the country. Keep trying things on and don't be afraid of unexpected feelings that may arise as a result. Explore *all* the options.

Honey, if you can just decide, or discover what it is you *really* want your life to be, and focus all your energy and attention on that goal, you'll find that everything else in your universe will fall right into place and make sense...

It ain't easy -- took me 40 years! -- but I've identified *my* goal and I'm on *my* path, now.

Good luck! Hugs!

[radargrrl.livejournal.com]

You KNOW you have some one up here that cares about you!

[ex-carnaval-619.livejournal.com]

*tight hugs*

You're beautiful, Adrya.

You can come live with Jay and I.

I'll take care of you!!!

[pkbarbiedoll.livejournal.com]

Only if you promise to make me blueberry pancakes twice a week, and take me to the park once a week, and let me stay out with friends past 8pm on schoolnights. I'll even promise to clean my room once a month and take out the trash every once in a while? what could be better than that! ;o)

[terracinque.livejournal.com]

I wish I could reassure you that you'll meet someone, but I don't know if that's any more true for you than it is for me.

But you won't ever be alone. Worst-case scenario, we'll get a little cottage 30 years from now and be crazy old spinsters together. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?

[pkbarbiedoll.livejournal.com]

oh not at all. maybe we could scheme up plans for a trans old-folks home somewhere in the country...

[terracinque.livejournal.com]

maybe we could scheme up plans for a trans old-folks home

Whoa, whoa! I said "worst-case scenario!" We don't give up now!

[immortallander.livejournal.com]

ya know sometimes its better that way, no kids no family, being independent your free to find someone if ya wish. just keep an eye out for the signs cause ya never know when they will hit.....
and wear a helmet cause sometimes signs can hurt

[terry-terrible.livejournal.com]

Hi,


My name is Courtney and I really like your band. Can I friend you?

[pkbarbiedoll.livejournal.com]

absolutely! i can't promise that my journal will be that interesting to read though. ;)

[terry-terrible.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I can't promise that mine will be anything engrossing either, mostly just being terribley emo about things.