After sleeping on it

[funeralcrasher]

I'm pretty sure I don't want to live much longer in this bitter cold world. I do not have strength to take my own life, but if I did - today would be the day.

All I wanted was platonic love, a sense of belonging.. a family. All I recieved were doors slammed in my face, over and over and over. I'm ready for this to end.

Comments

First a hug...

[sttatus-quo.livejournal.com]

There's an element of "be the change you want to see" here.

I don't think dying is the solution. Changing is.
Talk to someone you trust to give you truth gently. The rest of the world is not a lost cause. *You* are not a lost cause.

Southern Comfort Conference just came and went in your region. I feel certain that you had friends there that would have welcomed you and enjoyed your company. Did you go? I know mb2u would have been glad to see you if you had gone.. or met you for dinner..or something.

You do have platonic love.. there is agape all over your friends list. People are concerned.. but I will tell you that talking about taking your own life will make people withdraw emotionally from you.

What I see you doing is beating yourself up because you can't have things just the way you want them. This isn't worth dying over. It's worth changing enough that the pain goes away. That, of course, requires effort to make the change. You've obviously hit bottom. The only way to go is up.

radargrrl just gave you an open door. Your knee-jerk reaction was to immediately find what was wrong with it and not view it as an option.
I would propose to you that if you quit nit-picking and finding fault your life will be happier- from what you've said about your family on here in the past that seems to be a family theme that you may or may not be aware of.

I don't live 3000 miles away. I have an extra bedroom. This is about as trans-friendly of a household as you can find. Want to take a long weekend over the winter and come visit? I'd be glad to meet you although I can't say Dallas is the most touristy of towns.

What are you willing to do to make this pain go away?