I'm pretty sure I don't want to live much longer in this bitter cold world. I do not have strength to take my own life, but if I did - today would be the day.
All I wanted was platonic love, a sense of belonging.. a family. All I recieved were doors slammed in my face, over and over and over. I'm ready for this to end.
All I wanted was platonic love, a sense of belonging.. a family. All I recieved were doors slammed in my face, over and over and over. I'm ready for this to end.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 11:15 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 11:44 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 01:24 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 02:33 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 02:59 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 04:12 pm (UTC)From:First a hug...
Date: 2007-10-12 01:23 pm (UTC)From:I don't think dying is the solution. Changing is.
Talk to someone you trust to give you truth gently. The rest of the world is not a lost cause. *You* are not a lost cause.
Southern Comfort Conference just came and went in your region. I feel certain that you had friends there that would have welcomed you and enjoyed your company. Did you go? I know
You do have platonic love.. there is agape all over your friends list. People are concerned.. but I will tell you that talking about taking your own life will make people withdraw emotionally from you.
What I see you doing is beating yourself up because you can't have things just the way you want them. This isn't worth dying over. It's worth changing enough that the pain goes away. That, of course, requires effort to make the change. You've obviously hit bottom. The only way to go is up.
I would propose to you that if you quit nit-picking and finding fault your life will be happier- from what you've said about your family on here in the past that seems to be a family theme that you may or may not be aware of.
I don't live 3000 miles away. I have an extra bedroom. This is about as trans-friendly of a household as you can find. Want to take a long weekend over the winter and come visit? I'd be glad to meet you although I can't say Dallas is the most touristy of towns.
What are you willing to do to make this pain go away?
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 02:57 pm (UTC)From:i need to stop subjecting myself to this. and them.
thank you Jake, i appreciate what you and others wrote.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 09:31 pm (UTC)From:"I need to stop subjecting myself to this - and them".
I wish you could see that you deserve better than what (or who) you currently have in your life that's upsetting you so much.
I know you're hurting, but sttatus_quo is right. Change, baby, change.
Make life what YOU want it to be? Who said you don't deserve the best? You do, and you have to be the FIRST person to think that way.
I'm a really big believer in, if you think for it, it'll come. (I guess it's sort of visualization, whatever..)
I do wallow in pity myself sometimes, but then I think to myself how much worse I COULD have it.
The things that make me sad, angry, and yes, even self-destructive are when I want so badly to help someone, and I can't.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 04:53 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 05:23 pm (UTC)From:I guess I should have clarified in my earlier post, I meant local peoples, especially biological family.
If we lived closer (like Natalie and others) I'd really enjoy hanging out. I think about you from time to time.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 05:45 pm (UTC)From: