funeralcrasher | holideath

So is anyone else loathing the coming holidays? I have so much anxiety over going to see family, especially one of my older brothers. I'd rather not have anything to do with him or his psychotic religion.

*sigh*

Life has been strange lately. On one hand stopping church activities has been helpful. On other other I miss socializing and feeling like I belong to something. But the one reason I decided to stop going is because I felt rejected by relatives who couldn't seem to decide whether they wanted me to be part of their extended family, or keep me at a distance.

I haven't thought about or prayed or felt much of anything for god/dess/creator/whatever lately. Every time I find myself getting close to church life something happens to push me back outside. It's not that my life is magically happier without religion. It's that I haven't found a true, loyal and loving family of believers to pick up where my bio family is choosing to leave off. At this point I'm not feeling picky. Are covens filled with unconditional love?

Or is unconditional love a great big lie?

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No problem hon. I used to believe that unconditional love was either a farce made up by people seeking to pray on others or a myth made up by romantic fools. But at the risk of kinda rubbing my good fortune in your face (I hope it doesn't come out as that way), I recently found this out when I came out to my grandma as trans and bi this past weekend. Despite being 81 years old, she accpted me completely and just wanted me to be happy. I'd never had known what the lenghs of her love for me, but now I know that somehow, unconditional love is possible.

Someday you will find this out too, it just take patience though the wait may be hell on earth for us.

I also wish to add to sttaus_quo's point that another precondition for unconditional love for others is unconditional love of oneself. The fact that people cannot give unconditional love to you probley has more to do with thier own demons rather than being a problem with you.

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holideath

holideath

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June 2020

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